For many professionals, the words sales and business development create an almost immediate sense of discomfort. What I’ve heard from “professionals” such as engineers, architects, accountants, and other technical professionals, and even from those running companies, is: “I’m not a salesperson.” What they usually mean is that they don’t want to pressure people, promote themselves aggressively, use manipulative closing techniques, or turn every relationship into a sales opportunity.
I get that and agree with it. If business development means convincing someone to buy something they don’t need, want, or can afford, we shouldn’t become good at it. But on the other hand, effective business development is something very different. At its best, it’s really about building relationships, understanding people, identifying problems we can solve, creating value, and earning the right to explore whether working together makes sense. That isn’t being “salesy.” That IS being helpful.
Stop Trying to Sell. Instead, Lead Clients to an Informed Buying Decision!
One of the simplest ways to become more comfortable with business development is to stop entering conversations believing you must make a sale. That shift can profoundly change how we behave. Instead of listening, we start thinking about what we are going to say next. Instead of becoming curious about the other person, we look for an opening to describe our company, our capabilities, or our solution. And the other person can usually feel it.
As Keith Ferrazzi has written in Harvard Business Review, relationship-focused sales professionals create personal and professional value for clients rather than concentrating solely on making the sale. That shift in mindset is significant. Rather than asking yourself, “How can I sell something to this person?” ask, “What can I learn about this person, their organization, their challenges and their priorities, and is there some way I can be useful?”
Sometimes that will lead to business, and sometimes it won’t. That’s OK. But either way, you can leave the relationship stronger than you found it. We explored this idea recently in Free Yourself From the Pressure of Selling and Sell More Than You Ever Have Before, where my colleague Jeret makes the case that releasing ourselves from the pressure to sell can make us more effective at developing business.
Earn the Right Before You Ask for the Business
This principle sits at the heart of our Sales Diamond™. We describe the first half of the Sales Diamond™ as Earn The Right: Engage, Qualify and Discover. Before we recommend a solution, present a proposal, or ask someone to make a commitment, we need to earn the right to do so. Think about that statement. It can change everyone for the better.
That begins with engagement. Can you establish enough rapport, credibility, and relevance that another person is willing to have a meaningful, and even vulnerable, conversation with you? Next comes qualifying. Here’s where you identify if there is really a potential fit between their needs and what you or your organization can provide. Only then do we move into discovery, which is where we seek to understand not only what someone needs, but why it matters.
In Know the “Why” Behind Client Needs and Avoid Costly Surprises, we discuss why strong discovery can uncover needs, opportunities, and decision factors that would otherwise remain below the surface. Notice what is absent from those first stages: pitching. You are not trying to convince. You are trying to understand.
That matters because trust is a fundamental building block in successful B2B relationships. It’s important to note the increasing importance of trust as sales relationships shift toward longer-term partnerships. Trust is difficult to build when someone feels they are being led through a sales process and pushed to buy. It becomes much easier when they feel genuinely heard and understood.
Ask Better Questions
Some of the best business developers and salespeople I know aren’t the most charismatic people in the room. They are the most curious. They ask questions like: “What are you working toward over the next year?” “What’s getting in the way?” “Why is that important right now?” “What happens if nothing changes?” “Who else is affected by this?” “What would a great outcome look like?” Then they listen.
A good question can uncover an opportunity, but that should not be its only purpose. Questions help us understand another person’s world. They demonstrate interest, challenge assumptions, create valuable context, and sometimes reveal that we are not the right solution, which is valuable information.
If you’re doing most of the talking in a business development conversation, particularly early in the process, you are trying too hard to prove your value instead of discovering where value can actually be created. Or you may be insecure or even confused about the outcome you are seeking to achieve.
Give Before You Ask
Another way to remove the “salesy” feeling from business development is to become known for creating value before you need something. Share an article, a link to a website or podcast that is genuinely relevant to a client’s situation. Introduce two people who could benefit from knowing each other. Invite someone to an event where you can serve as a connector to others. Offer an insight from your experience, the good and the bad. Congratulate a client on an accomplishment. And perhaps the real test of your interest to be a valuable resource is when you connect when there is no proposal or opportunity sitting on the table.
None of these activities should be used as disguised sales tactics. People can sense that too. Do them because strong professional relationships are built through repeated experiences of usefulness, reliability, and trust.
This is also why business development cannot be something we suddenly begin doing when the pipeline becomes empty. In professional services especially, relationships often develop over months or years. If the only time prospects, past clients, or contacts hear from you is when you need work, you haven’t been developing the relationship; you have been periodically harvesting it.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Business
There is another side to this conversation. Not wanting to appear “salesy” can become an excuse for never asking for anything. You can build wonderful relationships, have enjoyable lunches, attend conferences, send articles, and drink countless cups of coffee without ever creating new business. You become a professional visitor.
Professional business development requires us to explore whether there is an opportunity to work together. The difference is that when you have earned the right, that conversation doesn’t need to feel awkward. You might simply ask, “Based on what you’ve shared, I think there may be a way we can help. Would you be open to exploring that?”
That isn’t pressure; that’s professionalism. It’s a logical next step in a conversation. And when there is a genuine fit, we eventually need to help the client move from conversation to decision. As we discuss in Turning Conversations Into Commitments, gaining commitment should be based on clarity, confidence, and follow-through, not pressure.
Business Development Is a Professional Skill
Perhaps we need to stop thinking of business development as a personality trait. You don’t have to be an extrovert. You don’t have to become a slick salesperson. And you certainly don’t need to become someone you are not.
But you do need to learn how to develop relationships, ask meaningful questions, listen, communicate value, follow up consistently, and confidently ask for the next step when you have earned the right to do so. Those are professional skills, and they can be learned.
The best business developers don’t leave people feeling as though they have been sold. They leave them feeling understood, respected, and confident that they are dealing with someone who can help.
Perhaps that is the real goal of business development: do not focus on becoming better at selling people. Become better at understanding people, creating value and earning the right to do business with them.
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